All the kids are doing it

Hello. All my friends are making art blogs now, so I should do the same. This Friday I was getting unnaturally dejected about school. I have so much trouble articulating anything about my artwork verbally, textually, and I couldn't understand why. If I have made the art, and I know what I'm doing, why is it so hard to talk about? It took me several hours and a LOT of talking with my loved ones, but it dawned on me.
When I began a piece of artwork, it always starts with a vague visual impression. "A boy touching a snake," "Cannibals at a table," etc. I think about this image, maybe draw it, and then I begin wondering what it means. The cannibals can become symbols for greed, therefore capitalism. Asking me to talk or write about my artwork is necessarily asking me to convert visual language into something concrete. It makes sense in my head, because I'm thinking about it in vague, visual terms. Francis Bacon said "If you can talk about it, why paint it?" Something that is vague and visual is going to naturally cause people to associate with the piece more strongly because they are required to put a certain amount of their own experience into it. They will make up their own story, and relate to it in their own way, which is exactly what I've been wanting to do all along!!
I absolutely hate the idea of a 'theme' that runs through all my art. I never do this. This implies that I've already decided what a painting is about before I've made it. I think this is an awful idea. If I already knew a painting was going to be about, say, class struggle, I'm going to work with hackneyed and cliched terms unless I really strive not to. This seems like a strained and foolish way to work, at least for myself. I'd rather see what my subconscious and aesthetic come up with, I am a part of the world so my subconscious is naturally going to be drawing from themes that already exist in society, so why force it?! How many great artists from the past had a theme in all their artwork? Did Manet have a consistent concept through each painting? I think this is purely a modern idea, and I hate it desperately. I think my own aesthetic and style will come through in each painting, and it seems ridiculous to try to come up with some intellectual jargon to excuse myself into doing what I wanted to do in the first place!!! Can't one just be interested in telling stories, and capturing imaginations? MUST you have some ridiculous conceptual basis for everything you do?!
I'm tired, so tired. I just want to do what's fun and what's engaging. I want people to look at my artwork and be curious, I want them to spend longer than that famous two seconds looking. I want them to wonder and to make up their own stories. What I have to say, what my interpretation of my own artwork is, that's bullshit! It doesn't matter to anyone but me. We're supposed to have artist statements to explain ourselves to the world, and it's ever so cliched for someone to say 'my artwork should speak for itself.' BUT IT'S TRUE!!! I can blather on in a statement and give you some manifesto, but frankly I don't care if anyone actually reads it. What's the worst that's going to happen? Someone doesn't understand something, someone has the 'wrong' interpretation? I don't give a shit! Really I don't! I'd rather they have some sort of personal experience with it, no matter if it doesn't gibe with what I had intended! A certain painting of mine was supposed to have a sexual connotation that no one has ever noticed on their own, but I throw my hands up. I don't care, it's my own secret.
It feels silly. I have to be passionate about something I am actually ambivalent towards. I would make paintings and art for myself and my closest friends and associates exclusively, so caring about my 'audience' doesn't factor in at all. My audience is whoever would like it! I'm not going to change what I do, so why does it matter who it's for? I quite frequently make stories and comics and drawings that no one but myself, and maybe one other person sees. I don't care, I'm just as happy with it as art I have displayed publicly. I don't think anyone expects to make money off art these days, and being famous seems like a comical pipe-dream. We must all pretend that we are 'art star' hopefuls however, and go through the motions.
I don't like talking in critiques, I'd rather hear what other people notice. I know what I think already, and the idea is to get advice, not to sell my classmates on my work. Now I regret not talking though, as we're expected to be able to hold a glass of wine in one hand pontificate effusively about our genius. Fuuuuuck it.