Ouija board

This entry has been too long in coming, I do apologize. This may be my last for a bit, though I hope to continue on with this project. I am going to be creating an auto-biographical comic book about my experience doing this research, and would like to post pages from it to this blog.

Weeks ago I had an experience with the Ouija board. At the Halloween tea party I threw, we used the Ouija board several times with different combinations of people. At first, I thought it was just amusing and was making dismissive quips as is my wont, and decided to cede control to other people. Mostly nothing exciting happened at all, the puck going off the board several times. I attempted to have an 'appropriate atmosphere' by using the glow in the dark board in the near dark at night. I was surprised that the party-goers seemed interested in continuing using it long after I had considered it a bust. Three girls used it for at least an hour, and while nothing exciting was recorded, they seemed genuinely at least slightly spooked. "Are you pushing it?" "No, aren't you?!"

I was surprised that it seemed that fun to people yet I was disappointed that nothing exciting happened. I've had it suggested to me that I should try it in different 'more haunted' locations but I am a bit too depressed about it to try further at the moment. Something I began realizing at the party was my intense desire to have these spooky experiences that others have, as puzzling as it may seem. Perhaps there is something about the inherent belief that appeals to me, or even just having a different emotion than the usual neutrality or anxiety that one experiences for the vast majority of life. I can't seem to even trick myself into feeling these emotions for more than a moment, the best I achieved was "Huh, wouldn't it be weird if that were true." I was reflecting on childhood and realized this was practically the attitude I had back then. The thrill of wondering was so tenuous even then, "what if it were true..." Most children don't think that way, I seem to be a natural skeptic. I think I've begun realizing why horror is the most appealing genre of all to me, far out-weighing all others.

I am an anxious person, like most people. At any given moment, I am neutral, anxious, stressed out, worried, tired or bored, or some combination thereof. The feeling of true fear is related, and yet it is fresh. Being fearful or nervous of some supernatural thing is exciting, and much more interesting than being worried about a homework assignment. I know the supernatural thing really isn't real, but for the moment I am pretending while enjoying some fiction, I can place my anxiety on an imaginary foe. That relieves my mind for at least that moment. The anxiety is so present that another emotion is too difficult, too much of a stretch and I just can't get to it as easily. I think the reason people like stories is to feel a different feeling than the one they've got, or to think about something other than what they're thinking of. Horror is easy for me, so it is more enjoyable.

I was joking in class that I am becoming an HP Lovecraft protagonist. I am off seeking nameless horrors for no other reason than "I want to." However, unlike these protagonists it is highly unlikely that some creature will snatch me away to his underground caverns to devour. However, should I disappear or die mysteriously, you will know the true reason-- monsters.